hipster-trichster:

brbjellyfishing:

fun prank: wake up during open heart surgery and sing don’t go breakin’ my heart to the surgeon

i couldn’t if i tried.






extravirginoliveroil:

middle school boys in the locker room






frostied:

i wanna take a hot selfie but i look ugly 











resetty:

what if websites had closing hours






canadianslut:

angry and quite offended that you don’t have a crush on me











reallylameblog:

what if garbage was spelled like garbij






weavemunchers:

my worst fear is laughing at a joke I don’t understand and having someone ask me to explain it






timothy-jackson-drake-wayne:

the nurse gave me some valium before my surgery so i wouldn’t have a panic attack when they tried to put me under and just when it was starting to kick in i met my anesthesiologist, who told me I have the same name as his kid and I just nodded thoughtfully and said ‘we must battle so i can become the alpha’ and my dad nearly fell out of his chair he was laughing so hard